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Flopping uteri.

June 21, 2011

Is it uteruses or uteri? 

The nurses, technicians, and doctors at our hospital are great. Our hospital has some jokesters too, namely one of the anesthesiologists. Now, me being the smart-ass that I am, appreciates the humor while people are prodding around inside my body cavity, especially as c-sections can get fairly boring for the person on the table.   Here are a couple things that were discussed in the OR this time around that made me chuckle:

 • A little back story…. I pretty much rival the Good Year blimp when I’m pregnant, and that’s really not an exaggeration. For about the last 2 month of my pregnancy, I get “you must be due any minute” comments on a daily basis. When they find out I still have a good 2+ months left, the looks I get are quite comical. While prepping my back for the spinal, the anesthesiologist said, “Wow, you’re the thinnest person I’ve giving a spinal to in a while. It’s a nice change.” The funny thing about this statement is that he was SERIOUS. Dude, if me at 10 months pregnant is the thinnest person you’ve given a spinal to in the last bit, this county has some serious problems with obesity.

• I’m lounging on the table, making song requests to the anesthesiologist who plays DJ while the docs are sewing me up, when he says the following: “In a minute, you’re going to feel a HUGE, elephant-like weight on your chest. That would be your uterus. They’ll just flop your uterus up there while they go in there and tie up your tubes.” When he said this, the first thing I could think to say was, “So you’re saying I’ve got a big uterus, huh?” While none of the information from the drug dude bothered me, he may want to keep a couple things in mind for patients that are a bit less of a sarcastic smart-ass than I: 1) I’m not sure it’s ever wise to compare any portion of a woman to an elephant, even her uterus. 2) You may want to refrain from using the term “flop” when referring to a woman’s body parts, even the internal ones – “flop” makes me think of either sagging things or something “flopping” onto the ground, neither of which sound very appealing when in reference to a body part. Should you ever find yourself in need of a procedure at the Baker hospital, I highly recommend you request the anesthesiologist that moonlights as a comedian – it makes getting cut open that much more entertaining.

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